Cannabis, Children and Honesty

I'm going to risk sounding like an anti-drug PSA for a moment and ask: Have you talked with your kids about weed? At some point it's a conversation every family will have (hopefully),  but how the conversation does depends on your views, level of education and several varying factors.

Many parents don't know how to have this talk, not surprising since in general, marijuana is a taboo subject. No matter your personal stance on the subject, it's an important discussion.  I can't tell you what to say, but I can help you figure out what you need to say. Here are a few points to consider when preparing for "the weed talk", I hope they are helpful to someone.

• Where do you stand on the use of cannabis? Are you for or against recreational use? Why? What about medical marijuana? What are your spouse's views? If your spouse's views conflict with your own, present both views to your child. "Mom believes ABC, but dad thinks XYZ." Make sure you don't present one view as more valid than the other, you want to be fair and level-headed.  If your have a former spouse active in your child's life you should probably consider their views as well. 

• How old is your child? This is a discussion that will need to be tailored to your child's age and level of maturity. You probably don't want to cite studies and get into political discussion with your 4 year old who just wants to know what that funny smell is. Likewise, you'll want a more in-depth conversation with a 14 year old.

• Have you tried marijuana yourself? What is your frequency of use? Remember to try not to let your own experiences color your conversation too much, it's important to let kids form their own feelings and opinions gradually, rather than insisting they share your views. Remain as neutral as possible. Remember. as parents it is our job to teach our children HOW to think, not WHAT to think.

• If your have never smoked or ingested marijuana, do you know someone who has that you trust to speak with your kids about what it is like? Kids are curious, they're going to want to know what it is like to use pot and they'll find out one way or another. Would it be best for them to hear it from someone you trust (an aunt, uncle or family friend perhaps)? Certainly better than asking the kids on the playground or that tubby guy in the long coat standing silently outside the convenient store next to the obnoxious loud mouth? (bonus points for those who got the reference). Do not, however, leave the entire conversation to this trusted friend. You're the parent, this is your job.

• Make sure you have facts, preferably from unbiased sources, such as university studies. Your child is going to have questions, be as prepared as possible to answer them. If your child asks as question that you don't know the answer to, be honest. "I don't know the answer to that, but I'll see if I can find out and we'll talk about it again." is a perfectly acceptable response.

• Know the plant's legal status in your area and advise your children of this. With teens you may want to give them the history of the current prohibition.  Or you may not, you're the parent here, you decide. The older your child is, the more important it is that they be away of marijuana laws and possible consequences of possessing cannabis.

• With young children, keep in mind how very much little ones TALK. To EVERYONE. If your child is too young to keep private matters private, it is probably too early to have a frank discussion about how daddy smokes pot to ease the pain from his carpal tunnel or how Aunt Mabel makes "special fudge" for the adults at Thanksgiving. Honesty is important, yes, but not worth risking your family.  Families with young children should consider checking out the book "It's Just A Plant" by Ricardo Cortés. As an interesting side note, the same author also wrote "Go The Fuck To Sleep" which is just epic as an audiobook read by Samuel L. Jackson.

• As for *when* the talk should take place, well that's different for every family but make sure it happens before their teens.A good rule of thumb is to imagine the age you think your child will first hear about marijuana. Got that age in mind? Good, now subtract two years. That is the latest you should have that first talk. That's right, first talk. You should revisit the subject as your child gets older and keep an open dialog going.

  
As with every important issue, make sure your child knows he or she can always come to you with questions and that you won't judge them for wanting to talk about pot. More importantly, make sure you are someone who is worthy of your child's trust. Love them unconditionally and guide them honestly and you'll both do just fine.