The other talk

Just last night, I was forced into having the dreaded (for me, anyway) "your parents smoke pot" conversation with my 7 year old. This is far earlier than I am comfortable with, but I knew it was inevitable. I emerged from my bedroom after smoking a bowl and walked across the hall to her bedroom. I sat down on her bed with her. She said that she smelled something funny. "Something that I have maybe smelled a lot of times before."

Oof. OK. I'm not ready for this, but here we go. "Yep. That's mommy and daddy's medicine." That's how I started. I went on to tell her all of the things I knew had to be said: it's OK for grownups, but some people think it's bad and it has to be a secret. She asked a few questions. I gave her a few answers, and that was it.

The entire time I felt like I was going to throw up. I was begging myself, "please don't say something that will fuck her up." A lot of sensual pleasures bring me a lot of guilt. Smoking pot is no exception.  Convincing myself that smoking pot doesn't make me a junkie takes a bit of practice.

I don't have it down yet, so telling my kid about her mommy's drug use and then asking her to keep it a secret is super tough. I try to remind myself that legalization is coming and that I have no problem drinking a beer in front of her, but boy, I still feel shitty.

I grew up Catholic and although I have given up my faith the guilt remains. I was also brought up with D. A. R. E. in schools and Nancy Reagan telling me to just say no. Despite my rebellious youth and pot use from the age of 14 that shit took up residence in some deep parts of my brain.

In any case, since our talk last night, it's been on my mind, while she shows zero interest in discussing it further. It's as it should be. Her questions were answered honestly and fully. She feels safe and respected. I'm still a mess.

Cannabis, Children and Honesty

I'm going to risk sounding like an anti-drug PSA for a moment and ask: Have you talked with your kids about weed? At some point it's a conversation every family will have (hopefully),  but how the conversation does depends on your views, level of education and several varying factors.

Many parents don't know how to have this talk, not surprising since in general, marijuana is a taboo subject. No matter your personal stance on the subject, it's an important discussion.  I can't tell you what to say, but I can help you figure out what you need to say. Here are a few points to consider when preparing for "the weed talk", I hope they are helpful to someone.

• Where do you stand on the use of cannabis? Are you for or against recreational use? Why? What about medical marijuana? What are your spouse's views? If your spouse's views conflict with your own, present both views to your child. "Mom believes ABC, but dad thinks XYZ." Make sure you don't present one view as more valid than the other, you want to be fair and level-headed.  If your have a former spouse active in your child's life you should probably consider their views as well. 

• How old is your child? This is a discussion that will need to be tailored to your child's age and level of maturity. You probably don't want to cite studies and get into political discussion with your 4 year old who just wants to know what that funny smell is. Likewise, you'll want a more in-depth conversation with a 14 year old.

• Have you tried marijuana yourself? What is your frequency of use? Remember to try not to let your own experiences color your conversation too much, it's important to let kids form their own feelings and opinions gradually, rather than insisting they share your views. Remain as neutral as possible. Remember. as parents it is our job to teach our children HOW to think, not WHAT to think.

• If your have never smoked or ingested marijuana, do you know someone who has that you trust to speak with your kids about what it is like? Kids are curious, they're going to want to know what it is like to use pot and they'll find out one way or another. Would it be best for them to hear it from someone you trust (an aunt, uncle or family friend perhaps)? Certainly better than asking the kids on the playground or that tubby guy in the long coat standing silently outside the convenient store next to the obnoxious loud mouth? (bonus points for those who got the reference). Do not, however, leave the entire conversation to this trusted friend. You're the parent, this is your job.

• Make sure you have facts, preferably from unbiased sources, such as university studies. Your child is going to have questions, be as prepared as possible to answer them. If your child asks as question that you don't know the answer to, be honest. "I don't know the answer to that, but I'll see if I can find out and we'll talk about it again." is a perfectly acceptable response.

• Know the plant's legal status in your area and advise your children of this. With teens you may want to give them the history of the current prohibition.  Or you may not, you're the parent here, you decide. The older your child is, the more important it is that they be away of marijuana laws and possible consequences of possessing cannabis.

• With young children, keep in mind how very much little ones TALK. To EVERYONE. If your child is too young to keep private matters private, it is probably too early to have a frank discussion about how daddy smokes pot to ease the pain from his carpal tunnel or how Aunt Mabel makes "special fudge" for the adults at Thanksgiving. Honesty is important, yes, but not worth risking your family.  Families with young children should consider checking out the book "It's Just A Plant" by Ricardo Cortés. As an interesting side note, the same author also wrote "Go The Fuck To Sleep" which is just epic as an audiobook read by Samuel L. Jackson.

• As for *when* the talk should take place, well that's different for every family but make sure it happens before their teens.A good rule of thumb is to imagine the age you think your child will first hear about marijuana. Got that age in mind? Good, now subtract two years. That is the latest you should have that first talk. That's right, first talk. You should revisit the subject as your child gets older and keep an open dialog going.

  
As with every important issue, make sure your child knows he or she can always come to you with questions and that you won't judge them for wanting to talk about pot. More importantly, make sure you are someone who is worthy of your child's trust. Love them unconditionally and guide them honestly and you'll both do just fine. 

Happy Holidays!

The Stoner Moms would like to wish all of our readers a joyful holiday season. No matter how you celebrate the season (or don't), we hope it finds you happy, healthy and surrounded by the love of your nearest and dearest.

Happy Holidays!!!

(note: sorry for posting this after Hanukkah, but we hope you had eight beautiful, happy nights!)

I choose cannabis

Some people say it's sad (or bad) that I "need" weed to enjoy my kids. I agree. In a perfect world I would be the mother I want to be - I would enjoy every moment I spend with my kids, I would be happy just to be near them, I would be on top of things and life would be great.

I don't live in a perfect world and I am not a perfect person. I'm human and I have flaws and that's okay. We all have flaws. I have a long history with depression (and even more so since having children). I  have sensory issues  (too much stimulation has a very negative effect on me, too much noise, artificial light, touch, etc causes me to become very overwhelmed), stress and anxiety are also big issues for me. Stress, anxiety, over-stimulation and susceptibility to depression. These are my "issues", my baggage if you will. They are part of who I am.

I could use any number of prescription drugs, I suppose, to manage my problems, but honestly anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs scare me. Side effects are often just as bothersome as the condition being treated, sometimes worse. Also, I  have no love for Big Pharma. Cannabis is natural and harmless. More than that, it has countless health benefits. So I choose to use this beautiful, amazing gift of the Earth rather than compounds of who-knows-what made in a lab by companies that care more about their bottom line than the wellness of their customers. I have faith in the wisdom of my body and the plants provided for us (you could take that in a religious/spiritual context just as easily as you could in an evolutionary context. Being Pagan I adopt both viewpoints simultaneously). I'm not judging anyone who chooses to use pharmaceuticals, we all do what we feel is best to live the best lives possible. I choose cannabis and I'm happy with that choice.

What about the kids

Being a stay at home mom who chooses to enhance my life with daily cannabis use I want to share something that I'm grateful for that you wouldn't guess at. I'm grateful for the buzzkill.

We've frequently heard the concern "what about the kids?" and while it's often used as a cop-out in debates concerning cannabis use, there are times when it is a question brought on by valid concerns. I can't be mad at anyone for having the best interest of children at heart. If someone doesn't fully understand the nature of marijuana and what it's like to use it confusion is understandable. Most people think being high is like being drunk, just as debilitating. Here's the thing: being high, while the sensation can feel similar in some ways, is completely different than being drunk.

Being high is often euphoric and filled with amazing sensations, often times it makes me just SMILE. It feels good. It can shift my thought processes; I'm not thinking slower, I'm thinking deeper and a singular thought at a time. It's great when you're a hyper multi-tasker like me, when I feel like I have to do EVERYTHING right NOW. Take a hit, let it set in and start again, one task at a time. Interruptions aren't as big of a deal, I won't get grumpy with my son for asking me to read Skippyjon Jones when I'm in the middle of sorting laundry. More importantly, when interruptions are urgent they get my full attention, immediately. Let me better explain this.

I'm a full-time stay at home mom, my husband works outside the home full time, which means quite often I am the only adult at home with the kids. During this time I am using cannabis more often than not. This is where people start to get hyper, understandably. Two kids with only a mom who is high to take care of them. It's a concerning thought if you don't understand how cannabis works for a "seasoned stoner", someone with enough experience and tolerance to be high and still completely functional. (Note: I would NEVER recommend an inexperienced cannabis user be alone in charge of children while high, or that even a seasoned stoner get completely stoned while caring for others, that would be dangerous and stupid. Our children, our families are more important than weed and it's wonderful benefits. ) A few weeks ago I was pleasantly lifted and folding laundry in the living room while the kids were playing in the backyard (which has a privacy fence so they were in a safe space) when my daughter bursts through the back door yelling for me, telling me her brother hurt himself. There was no delay in action, I was up and on high alert, quickly made my way to the back yard and took care of my son's scraped knee and hurt feelings. When the ordeal was over and things settled back into the rhythm of the day I marveled at something I love about weed: when you NEED to be sober you become sober. Your body or mind (perhaps both) overrides the high, your head is cleared, the buzz is killed.

Now, this isn't something you should rely on in you're a lightweight or a newbie. Always, always, ALWAYS err on the side of caution. I made sure I was able to be functional high before I ever toked without another adult around. When I get a new strain I try it with Ever or my husband before I smoke it during the week so I know what to expect. I don't want any surprises with my weed when I'm parenting. 

My point here is that being (moderately) high while parenting isn't dangerous because when you need clarity it is easily found.  What about the kids? Well, the kids are just fine :) 

Ever's welcome

Ok, so there is no way for me to top Kate's lovely welcome. I just want to say ditto. I'm excited to begin this blog and sad that we have to hide our identities for smoking a harmless plant. We're good folks. We live quiet, little lives. We love our kids, apple pie, and the US of A. We also love pot. A lot.

Kate and I are planning a couple features around here. We'll be doing some weed-enhanced parenting vlogs, which I can't wait for, and writing our own stuff about parenting, life in general, and marijuana issues. Hopefully it never gets too heavy. I mean, we did dream this up while we were stoned in my backyard, so it's probably best not to take ourselves too seriously.

One last thing: I am so freaking lucky to have Kate as a friend. We just get each other. I'm sure she will be doing the lions share of the heavy lifting here (she already has) as I am a flake (fyi, that quality came way before the pot) and she is awesome.

-Ever

Education makes all the difference

That's my life, daily.  For the larger part of the day you'll find me pleasantly lifted and happy.  Few people are ever aware that I'm high, which is good because most people tend to treat you differently if they know you're even just a little bit high. That gets annoying pretty quick.

A lot of people make a lot of assumptions about people who use cannabis, even if they don't realize they've made an assumption, that they've bought into the stereotypes. Everyone knows stoners are lazy, don't think quickly, can't handle complex thoughts competently, forget everything and stay melted to the couch  eating cheese curls and brownies. While I think everyone who enjoys MJ has had smoking sessions that have left us couch-locked (ohhh Indicas, how we love you!), giggly and ravenous, that's not what being stoned is always like.

Many people don't understand the complexity of cannabis, and that's because the vast majority is uneducated about pot, another sad side effect of this blasted prohibition. Before I began smoking regularly  I was uneducated too.  I thought all pot was the same- it was "just pot", right? I didn't understand the different effects from different strains. I had no idea what indica meant, I had only ever heard of cannabis sativa. But I remedied my ignorance, I educated myself. I learned that sativas give you a head high and indicas give a body high. Even better: there are hybrid strains that give varying degrees of head and body high! Holy crap, what?! That was a great discovery, my mind was blown. Even better, there are a bajillion different strains within the different subspecies which have their own  positive and negative aspects. Also, how mild or strong your high is depends on how much you smoke and your tolerence. But what does all that mean?

It means we can tailor our use of weed to suit our lives, rather than just get high and need a spatula to peel ourselves off the couch. It means, if I'm educated about the strains I have available to me I can use them to enhance my life, rather than just exist in a stoned stupor. I can take a couple puffs of a sativa-dominant hybrid, like Bubblegum and play with my kids, clean my house, knit outside in the backyard and best of all, I'm less likely to succumb to the stresses of daily life as a rather isolated stay at home mom, less likely to get irritable with my kids, and less likely to feel overwhelmed by all the housework (clean ALL the things!).  On the other side of the coin, if I want to really chill after a stressful day or week, I know I can blaze a bowl or two of some Bubba Kush and within moments feel all the tension drain from my muscles,  be able to see the funny in the mundane and I'll sleep like a baby.

Yes, if I smoked an indica strain by the bowlful all day long I'd probably be pretty useless for a lot of things. I know not to do that though, I know which weed to use, when and in what amounts. That's the important factor here:  knowing how to use marijuana responsibly.  Knowledge is the difference between just living stoned and using marijuana to enhance our lives.